The Easter Bunny is out to get you. Every year he hops into your house, laying cream-filled Cadbury Eggs for you to find and gobble up with relish and self-loathing. Or maybe you jones for jellybeans, the Reese's Peanut Butter Egg, or malted milk balls. Ooh, try this: get a hollow chocolate rabbit, bite the head off, and fill it with Kahlua. You now have a tasty beverage! And diabetes!
This is all part of his evil plan for rabbit dominion over mankind. Think about it: what do rabbits eat? Phytonutrient-rich greens like kale and spinach. Carrots, cucumber, and celery. His goal is to feed humans a bunch of sugar and fat, making us slow and sick so his kind can go all Watership Down on this place. Or worse: Night of the Lepus!
Get the jump on that tricksy rabbit with a detoxifying, energizing 5-day fresh juice cleanse—it'll help your body process all that junk so it doesn't get turned into fat, which will just make us even more enticing to our wise bunny overlords.